Grief is a profound emotional response to significant loss – whether it’s the death of a loved one, the devastation of a natural disaster, the end of a relationship, or the impact of serious illness.
While experiencing loss is an inherent part of the human journey, many communities are now navigating unprecedented waves of collective grief, shaped by political upheaval, public health challenges, and environmental disasters.
In the face of catastrophic loss, particularly from natural disasters that transform entire communities, the weight of grief can feel overwhelming. If you’re walking this difficult path, remember that being gentle with yourself isn’t just helpful – it’s necessary.
While traditional self-care advice might seem inadequate in the face of such profound loss, there are meaningful ways to process your grief, connect with others who understand, and gradually build a foundation for healing. This journey begins with small, manageable steps: understanding your grief’s unique rhythm, finding words to share your experience with loved ones, and knowing when to reach out for professional support.
What is Grief
Grief manifests as a deeply personal response to loss, weaving together a complex tapestry of emotions – from profound sadness and unexpected anger to confusion and periods of emotional numbness. These emotional experiences often intertwine with physical manifestations, including nausea, difficulty breathing, and episodes of uncontrollable tears. This physical-emotional connection reminds us that grief impacts our entire being, not just our emotional landscape 1.
Community Grief
In the aftermath of natural disasters or community tragedies, grief takes on a collective dimension that touches everyone within its reach. This shared experience of loss, known as communal grief, creates invisible bonds between neighbors and fellow community members, even when you don’t personally know those who were directly affected. The disruption to daily life, the shared memories of what was lost, and the collective trauma can create a profound sense of mourning that ripples through entire neighborhoods and cities 2.
Prolonged Grief
While grief naturally evolves over time, sometimes its intensity persists in ways that deeply impact daily life. Prolonged grief disorder (PGD) represents a clinically significant extension of grief, characterized by persistent feelings of intense sorrow, guilt, or anger that continue for six months or longer. In some cases, PGD can cause severe impairments to daily life and is associated with increased risk of suicide, cardiovascular health problems, and substance abuse 3.
Recent research has revealed that natural disasters can significantly increase the risk of PGD, with studies indicating that nearly 40% of survivors may develop this condition 4. This heightened vulnerability makes it especially important to recognize the signs early and understand that seeking help isn’t just an option – it’s often a necessary step toward healing.
Disaster-Related Grief
After experiencing a large-scale disaster, you’re likely navigating multiple layers of loss simultaneously – from the tangible loss of homes and cherished possessions to the profound emotional impact of losing loved ones and community connections. Both types of loss can trigger a series of trauma responses that manifest across different aspects of your life 5.
Physical Response to Grief
Intense grief often speaks through your body, disrupting sleep patterns, altering stress hormones, and manifesting in physical symptoms like weakness, breathing difficulties, restlessness, and changes to your immune system. These physical responses, while challenging, are natural reactions to extraordinary circumstances.
Cognitive and Emotional Response to Grief
Your grief might emerge as waves of intense sadness, loneliness, fear, anxiety, or resentment. Many people experience a complex form of guilt when resuming normal activities after a major catastrophe – a natural but difficult part of the healing journey.
The cognitive impact of major crisis can be profound, affecting your ability to accept the loss or concentrate on daily tasks. You might notice shifts in your sense of identity or struggle with feelings that your future has been disrupted. The mind often oscillates between avoiding thoughts of the loss and being unable to think of anything else, sometimes accompanied by a deep fear of forgetting what’s been lost.
Social Impact of Grief
Grief can significantly impact how you relate to others, potentially leading to experiences of loneliness, boredom, social withdrawal, decreased confidence, heightened emotional sensitivity, self-consciousness, or challenges in forming new relationships.
Sense of Safety and Security
After enduring a major catastrophe, concerns about safety often become prominent. You might experience hypervigilance – being constantly on guard and startling easily at sounds or sights that remind you of the disaster. Many people develop an intense fear of recurrence, worrying about similar future events and feeling anxious about potential environmental dangers. This can manifest in difficulty relaxing, troubled sleep, or physical symptoms like muscle tension and headaches due to persistent anxiety 6.
Supporting a Loved One Through Grief
When someone you care about is experiencing grief, finding the right words can feel overwhelming. Yet making the effort to connect mindfully with your grieving loved ones creates vital bridges of support, helping them feel less isolated in their pain. Through gentle, thoughtful communication, you can help create a safe space where healing can gradually begin.
Express Emotional Support
Supporting a grieving loved one starts with making yourself emotionally available. Let them know you’re there to listen whenever they’re ready to share. When these conversations unfold, practice active listening by asking open-ended questions that allow them to express their feelings fully. Give them your complete attention, removing distractions that might interrupt these precious moments of connection. Remember that your role isn’t to solve their grief but to witness it with compassion and understanding.
Validating Statements
Validation goes beyond simple listening – it’s about deeply acknowledging and honoring your loved one’s emotional experience. When you validate someone’s grief, you’re communicating that their feelings make sense given what they’ve endured. Simple but powerful phrases like “That makes sense why you would feel that way” or “I can see how difficult this must be for you” can help them feel truly seen and understood 7.
Offer Practical Help
When someone is deep in grief, even the most basic daily tasks can feel overwhelming. Rather than making assumptions about what might help, approach them with gentle curiosity about their needs. This might mean offering to assist with practical tasks like organizing paperwork, creating manageable to-do lists, or helping them research and connect with mental health support services.
Some people might benefit from coordinated support like organized meal deliveries or help with household responsibilities. The key is to listen attentively to their specific needs and offer support that truly serves their current situation, rather than imposing help that might not align with where they are in their grief journey 8.
The Journey of Long-Term Support
One of the most important aspects of supporting someone through grief is maintaining your presence long after the initial crisis has passed. While aid often floods in immediately after a tragedy, support typically dwindles as public attention shifts elsewhere. Make a conscious effort to check in regularly – weeks, months, and even years after the event. Consider reaching out on significant dates or anniversaries, and help them connect with ongoing support groups when they’re ready.
Remember that grief isn’t linear – it moves in waves, and healing unfolds at its own pace. Your role is to provide consistent, patient support that honors their unique journey through loss, without rushing or pressuring them to “move on.” This long-term commitment to walking alongside them, even as their grief evolves, can be one of the most meaningful gifts you can offer.
What Not to Say to Someone Who is Grieving
When supporting someone through profound loss, our words carry immense weight. While our intentions may be to comfort, certain responses can unknowingly add to our loved one’s emotional burden. Understanding what to avoid can help us create more meaningful connections during these sensitive times.
The Problem with Toxic Positivity
Though we may yearn to lift our loved one’s spirits, forcing optimism often does more harm than good. Toxic positivity manifests when we rush to find silver linings or reflexively use phrases beginning with “at least…” These responses, though well-intentioned, can make people feel that their pain is being dismissed. Most grieving individuals simply need their feelings acknowledged and validated, not redirected toward artificial cheerfulness.
Understanding the Impact of Minimization
The depth of someone’s grief deserves full recognition. Avoid comparing their loss to others’ experiences or suggesting ways their situation “could be worse.” Such comparisons, even when meant to provide perspective, can leave grieving individuals feeling misunderstood and isolated in their pain. True support means acknowledging the full magnitude of their loss without qualification.
The Limitations of Religious Platitudes
While faith can provide profound comfort for some, expressions like “I’m praying for you” or “Everything happens for a reason” may feel hollow to someone in the depths of grief. Even when offered with genuine care, these statements can come across as dismissive of the raw, complex emotions your loved one is experiencing. Instead, focus on showing up with practical support and emotional presence.
Moving Beyond the Urge to Fix
When witnessing someone’s pain, we often feel compelled to offer solutions. However, grief isn’t a problem to be solved – it’s an experience to be processed 9. Unless specifically asked for advice, focus on creating space for your loved one to express their feelings without expectations or pressure to “get better.” Sometimes, the most powerful support we can offer is our patient, attentive presence.
If your loved one does express interest in additional support, you can gently share information about professional mental health resources while letting them guide the timing and pace of seeking help.
Professional Mental Health Support at Neuro Wellness Spa
Neuro Wellness Spa offers an array of mental health services that might benefit you or a loved one after a major disaster. Our experienced and compassionate team of mental health professionals will help you navigate grief with personalized treatment plans tailored to your needs.
Psychotherapy for Grief
At Neuro Wellness Spa, our therapists are highly trained in a number of psychotherapy approaches to help you process your grief. Our therapy sessions are offered in-person or virtually so that you can integrate therapy into your life however you see fit.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
CBT can help you identify and challenge unhelpful thought patterns that may intensify your grief. Your therapist will help you develop practical coping strategies to manage intense emotions and set realistic goals to move forward.
Family Systems
Family systems is an approach to therapy that examines how family dynamics influence the grieving process. Oftentimes after a major tragedy, the whole family is impacted. Thus, family systems therapy can help you create a more supportive environment at home to foster healing, communication, and mutual support.
Psychoeducation
Psychoeducation can help you understand the causes, symptoms, and your complex responses to grief. At Neuro Wellness Spa, our therapists will support you through the various stages of grief and help you acknowledge how grief might be impacting your emotional and physical health and help you find a path forward.
Medication Management for Grief
While grief itself is not a medical condition requiring medication management, the intense emotions associated with loss can trigger underlying mental health issues. In these cases, medication can be an effective component of a comprehensive treatment plan. Our experienced psychiatrists will carefully evaluate your needs and recommend medications to address specific grief-related symptoms.
Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS) for Grief
TMS is an FDA-approved treatment option that offers significant benefits for those experiencing grief. This non-invasive therapy can alleviate symptoms of depression and anxiety that often accompany grief and improve overall mood. TMS can also help alleviate “grief brain,” enhancing cognitive functions like attention, memory, and executive functioning. Additionally, TMS may help regulate sleep patterns and manage chronic pain, both commonly disrupted during intense grief periods.
Finding Support After Losing Everything in the LA Fires
If you or a loved one is facing serious mental health challenges after a crisis, don’t hesitate to reach out. Our expert team of therapists, psychiatrists, and mental health professionals is here to help you at every step of your grieving process.
We understand that losing your home and possessions to wildfires can be devastating, which is why we offer comprehensive mental health services tailored to your needs – from online and in-person psychiatry for medication management to specialized grief counseling and innovative treatments like TMS therapy. Contact Neuro Wellness Spa today to learn how our compassionate team can support your healing journey and help you rebuild emotional resilience after this profound loss.
References
- Healthdirect Australia. (n.d.). Grief and loss. The Effects of Grief and How to Deal With It | Healthdirect. https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/grief-loss
- SAMHSA (2017) Tips for Survivors: Coping with Grief After a Natural Disaster or Traumatic Event. Retrieved from https://store.samhsa.gov/sites/default/files/sma17-5035.pdf
- Prolonged grief disorder. (n.d.). https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/prolonged-grief-disorder
- Zareiyan, A., Sahebi, A., Nejati-Zarnaqi, B., Mosaed, R., & Ozouni-Davaji, R. B. (2024). The prevalence of prolonged grief disorder (PGD) after the natural disasters: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Public Health in Practice, 7, 100508. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.puhip.2024.100508
- VA.gov | Veterans Affairs. (n.d.). https://www.ptsd.va.gov/understand/related/related_grief_reactions.asp
- Recovering emotionally from disaster. (2013, August 15). https://www.apa.org. https://www.apa.org/topics/disasters-response/recovering
- Human Performance Resources. (n.d.). Validation: Show you’re listening—even if you disagree. HPRC. https://www.hprc-online.org/social-fitness/relationship-building/validation-show-youre-listening-even-if-you-disagree
- Natural disasters information for friends and family. (n.d.). https://toolkit.lifeline.org.au/topics/natural-disasters/natural-disasters-information-for-friends-and-family
- Raft Cares. (2023, November 26). The power of presence: offering emotional support without fixing – raft cares. https://www.raftcares.org/resources/community-blog/the-power-of-presence-offering-emotional-support-without-fixing/